Just got over tonsillitis in the middle of no where China

Tonsillitis sucked. Being sick in China sucked. Not knowing what is going on sucks.

I had no idea what was wrong with me. I went out with friends out night...some spicy hot pot...and I noticed my lymph nodes were starting to tighten up. What am I fighting? No mind...bring on the spicy food. But not too spicy. (I, of course, order the non-spicy sauce to mix with the spicy food because my tolerance for the spice is below average, needless to say. 我还没习惯了很辣的菜。。。在美国没有吃).

The next morning was death. No, death came later. The next morning was so bad I had to cancel my morning job and go directly to the hospital. The doctor looked down my throat, "Yep, there's a problem in there," and prescribed me to an abundance of pills, none of which works. By Tuesday, I was back at the hospital, cursing to myself and crying by myself. That fucked doctor. Fucker, didn't even bother to take my temperature or nothin'. god dammit. miss western medicine. fuck.

So I see another doctor, and by this time my tonsils have formed white spots. Large white spots that start on my tonsils and work their wayd down deep deep deep to where I can no longer see them. Are they lining my entire esophagus? What the fuck is this? Every concievable illness went through my mind - mono, tonsillitis, strep, gonorhea of the mouth - Everything. I researched for days, probably knowing just as my much as my 20-something doctors. Yeah, that's right, my doctor's were probably my age. One of my doctors was actually 20. I couldn't believe it and still can't. Obviously they aren't schooled the same way American doctors are. In America, if you're a doctor, you have reached the pinnacle. You have worked hard, studied hard, and now the rest of your life will pay off with fat checks, bomb ass cars and private schools for you kids. China. No Way. Way Different. The doctors are paid like 2000 RMB a month starting out, at least here in Sichuan. It's not such a prominent position.

Anyway, so they sorta figured out what my disease was (accute tonsillitis and upper-respiratory infection, although I dont believe that upper-respiratory infection shit and think they just rationalized it themselves out of convenience. You know...American who is used to fresh air suddenly arrives in China and CANT BREATHE). I went to the hospital daily for IV injections of anti-virals and anti-infections, and finally I am sure but with a hefty hospital bill to pay off.

China pics

China is choking on growth.

After it rains, the mountain behind my apartment complex is startingly clear. I can see the texture of the trees and the temple and everything around. It's sad that only happens once in a while. Most everything around me is always a dreary gray. Fits my mood.

Seriously though - this country is hugely polluted and the environment is no where near the forefront of people's minds. I am not much one to speak, but now that I am faced with tragic proportions of pollution, I cannot help but be outraged. Yes China is growing stronger, better and is modernizing. But at what cost? And are the people really becoming more educated? They still litter and smoke and pay no mind to the world around them. All they care about is themselves and their families and making money. And here I was thinking I was apathetic.

I dunno...just some thoughts. I am going to go running. Here I go - through the air and dust and smoke and hopefully I will reach the finish line.

If I hear "just so-so" again I think I could scream!

The past 2 days have been horribly stressful, and as more and more people get my phone number, stress will only be added and multiplied. I should stop giving it out, perhaps.

It's the girls. They're on my back, wanting to carry my shit, see me to the toilet, buy me things, carry my vegetables, and walk really really terribly slow. The list goes on ad naseaum, and I am but forced to see these girls, these 20-something children, every day because they are the ones who most want to hang out with me and improve their English. Now, there are a few girls I like. The girls I like do not insist on holding my hand or on telling me to be careful when I walk down a flight of stairs. They're usual more relaxed, and chill, relaxed Chinese who aren't impressed by me.

Oh, if only I weren't so impressive. Me. With my bulky figure, fast-paced walk with my swinging arms, my big sunglasses and cleavage showing. I bring stares and smiles and smirks and Hello's from any corner of the supermarket. I attract crowds of old people, all of whom think I am Russian (modern China's closest, big-time companion, the golden age of Communism before the 1950's). No, I'm not fucking Russian. Oh, just stop already.

Anyway, but what else can I do? I like being alone. My disposition won't change, and I will never find these people endearing. I will never take joy in walking slow and holding hands and exchanging words such as, "I hope we are friends forever!" I might say such things, but I will never ever think them.

Today I fantasized about a Western girl coming to live here in Suining. Oh we would be best friends! I would cling to her like the Chinese cling to me - but only for a few minutes. We would laugh and curse the Chinese and their ways as we walk down the street, and then we would drink beer out of the bottles.

The the boys! The Chinese boys! ZERO HOT ONES. Well 2. But honestly, their hair is a bit different from what I am used to. It's either spiked up, or just sticking out every-which-way in the most undesirable fashion. The black hair looks very thinning and like it has dead ends, and you just want them to trim it short. And then, sometimes, they have this disgusting facial hair growing on a greasy, pimply face. Enough to make a girl gag.

I'm so naughty. So mean, so cynical, so rude, so wrong for coming here. Just NOT so-so. If I hear the word "just so-so" again, I think I could scream. Every response that should be "Pretty good" (according to me and my use of English) is "Just so-so." How is your day? How is your semester? How do you like college? God! It's such a depressing answer, and sooo soooo annoying. Fucking Chinglish is stuck in my head every day.

So today I met with my students, and we went to this temple. It was dreadfully hot, but actually they didnt' cater to me as much as I thought they would. They let me walk up the steps on my own, down the steps on my own, and they didn't even insist on buying me water or something to eat. Only later, when we were at the vegetable market, did I have to fend off a girl wanting to carry my potatoes.